Puppy Here we are again. We have been here before. And yet we are back.
Every now and then an article concept re-invades the general consciousness and forces us all to bring it up. When that happens, the writers, bloggers, and admins of the world stare for a moment at this concept that has now become a living grenade racing towards its explosive state. Then some of us brave and foolish offer to use our internet similarities as a shield for all the angry tweets, hurtful comments, and hate letters that have been written with surprising penmanship.
the disrespect pic.twitter.com/CGBJ4z8XrL
– FC Dallas (@FCDallas) March 12, 2021
What I’m saying here is, let’s choose the best dressed MLS managers. Once again.
Now you may be wondering what are my qualifications for this? For the second time?? How can I sit behind a keyboard and try to gauge the ability of middle-aged men to get dressed when I’ve been here wearing only sweatpants for almost eight months? Especially when we all know that the far more authentic MLS coaching award is given by the far better informed judges at The Call Up.
The answer is: I don’t know. But you are here And I’ll try my best to give you what you came for. I’ll list the best-dressed MLS managers, leaving out your favorite. And even if I have them on the list, do you know what I’m going to do? Better still than just listing them, I’ll put numbers from them. Are you mad about the numbers? I bet you don’t tweet about the numbers with a link to the article so other people can tweet about the numbers.
Now there are obviously a couple of criteria and caveats and all of that for this rigorously researched article. The first thing we have to acknowledge is the lack of team polos and tracksuits (or, terrifyingly, a combination of both) to put you on this list. Which, if we’re being honest about management fashion, is enough to cut the field in half. If you’re dressed as a substitute PE teacher more often, that’s fine. It doesn’t determine your worth as a person or your ability to coach a soccer team, but you don’t make the list.
The second thing we then have to acknowledge is that if your non-team polo, non-tracksuit clothing is aimed at a nervous substitute chemistry teacher more than a CEO, it does not determine your worth as a person or your ability to coaching a soccer team but you don’t make the list.
The third and final thing to acknowledge is that when we are all turning a blind eye and being open and honest here, it helps to be hot. I don’t know, no real way around this. You either have it or you don’t. That’s how the world works, and that’s why some of us are soccer bloggers who don’t make video appearances.
Okay, without stalling any further, here’s what people are definitely going to be perfectly normal about.
10. Giovanni Savarese (beard only)
The first two on this list have one caveat. The general idea is that you could have the most beautiful car in the world, but if it doesn’t have a steering wheel, the car is just a set of parallel, cramped benches. Gio Savarese found his aesthetics and his steering wheel in this off-season.
In the first press conference of 2020, Gavin Wilkinson and coach Savarese Gios Bart, possible signings and takeaways from 2019.
– Portland Timbers (@TimbersFC) January 23, 2020
It doesn’t quite make his look a Ferrari. But it makes it a sensible yet stylish sedan.
9. Greg Vanney (scarf edition only)
USA Today sports pictures
The most shocking thing about Greg Vanney’s sudden move from Toronto to Southern California is the total rejection of the climate that has made him one of the best-dressed playoff times in the league. The question is, where does it go from here?
I don’t doubt that in the California summer he can find ways to look sharp without sacrificing comfort. But what if it’s 70 degrees in November and the galaxy needs a victory on the scoreboard and in people’s hearts? The possible death of the playoff scarf is one that I’m not really done with.
8. Hernan Losada
The only newcomer on this list. I’m honest, I wish he’d get off the all-black palette from time to time and he should definitely put the baseball cap in the Potomac, but like I said folks, if you have it, you have it.
We also hope you enjoy this tweet pic.twitter.com/UsWUbhLGt0
– DC United (@dcunited) March 15, 2021
7. Raphael Wicky
Pretty much the same thing, just with more variety and a little better hair. Sometimes your gaze deviates slightly from “an actor made to pose as an Apple Territory worker”, but most of the time, all of this is difficult to argue with.
We know you love this tweet. pic.twitter.com/i3MOkCpf1j
– Chicago Fire FC (@ChicagoFire) March 16, 2021
6. Jim Curtin
USA Today sports pictures
Curtin always makes these lists and I think that’s because it feels almost unexpected. He just seems like a guy who had other things to worry about and maybe someone will take care of his game day look for him. Not only does he bring a lot of variety, but he’s the trainer who is about to be thrown into the substitute teacher category who overcomes this potential suffering by allowing his seizures – and most importantly, his solid use of a narrow bis thin coach’s tie – speak for him.
5. Robin Fraser
USA Today sports pictures
I have to say it above, Robin has it. Maybe more than any coach in the league. It’s a long road, of course, but he often pairs it so well with a catalog of looks that are never bold because he knows they don’t have to. If you have it, you can keep it simple and still present yourself as one of the best-dressed in the league.
4. Caleb Porter
USA Today sports pictures
I think where Caleb has the most success is in his ability to see that there is a lot of power in two things:
- A tailored look
- A look that is never really repeated
You can find Porter with the same general aesthetic pretty often, but he never seems to pull off a combination that he had before. Adding another MLS cup ring also helps improve the look.
3. Peter Vermes
Basically exactly what I said for Porter, but I’ve added points to have been doing it for over 11 years and to let the fit show how you can apparently bench a small car when asked. If any of us are half as handsome at 54, we must count our blessings every hour.
2. Luchi Gonzalez
An amazing omission from the last time I did this, but today we are correcting an injustice and returning to the good graces of Luchi Gang. Luchi thrives on avoiding the traditional, best-dressed look by finding ways to work beyond and around a simple, well-tailored suit. Luchi dares to wear a sweater or button-down button mixed all the way up with a sports coat.
Where Porter and Vermes manage to present a unified aesthetic in a variety of ways, Luchi tries to go further and put himself in a zone where no other MLS manager would feel brave enough. Sometimes he misses it. Sometimes it’s clear that today wasn’t a day for Luchi to go beyond team polo. But that’s okay, because Luchi knows we’re in his time. And the best innovators know when to keep people waiting for the fire.
We hope you enjoy this tweet pic.twitter.com/jFC0EkJsyB
– FC Dallas (@FCDallas) March 15, 2021
Unfortunately, Luchi couldn’t quite keep up …
1. Tata Martino (jk)
Was there ever any doubt? 🕺
– Atlanta United FC (@ATLUTD) October 9, 2017
THE MASTER. RUN FOR FOUR YEARS.
Wow. What a time to be alive to see a run like this. We are lucky enough to be witnesses.
No, just kidding, it’s …
1. Ronny Deila
NYCFC’s Ronny Deila wore a white undershirt in his first official team interview, which means:
1. the kind of confidence with which you will score five away goals in CCL
2. The kind of trust we should all strive for
3. hot? pic.twitter.com/pgGCQ7tPmq
– J. Sam Jones has a newsletter for MLS (@J_SamJones) February 21, 2020